Who knew suicide is so damn hard?
And life support is so damn loud. I awoke from my coma in a room filled with me and my machines. I don’t know how many, but we barely fit. I lost count of the tubes at 20. There was a nurse’s strike, so I got my very own anesthesiologist as my personal nurse. I was in the cardiac care section of ICU; me and my machines. As I came to I remember thinking the airplanes were loud. And why was I so close to them? Maybe it was the machines. Maybe it was the blood pumping through me. The first voice I heard was a doctor telling someone, “She’s a lost cause.” I said, “Fuck you.” Good for me. Finally… some gumption. Although, with the breathing tube in me and the fact that I was not yet officially out of my fugue state, I believe it came out in a whisper as , “uchrgg.” A whisper no one heard.
The story of my life; my cries went unheard. And I continued to live in a world of duplicity and fear, not yet knowing there would be salvation.